From The Archives: Who Would Give Your Eulogy?

This post was first published around two years ago.

Do you ever wonder who would be your pall bearers if you died?  I don’t have a huge number of people to do the job.  I imagine that some people from my church would take care of the job if called upon.  However, I also wonder another question.  Who would give my eulogy if I passed away?   I’m not talking about my pastor or a family member.  I’m talking about someone outside of the normal who would stand up and give an accurate telling of what my life was like.  My choices, if left up to me, would be quite narrow.

I can think of possibly three people who could do the job.  One is my dearest friend from before marriage, Chris.  The problem with this is that I have really let our friendship lapse.  I know that Chris would do anything for me if I asked.  Last year he drove out and took a picture of a big chicken at a convenience store in Newport, Tennessee for me.  However, I haven’t seen him now in 14 or 15 years.  For a guy who I used to run around with for about 45 of 52 Saturday nights in a year, I haven’t done a good job of maintaining our friendship.

Another possibility would my friend, Matt Cannon.  Check out his Seeking Pastor blog. I used to be  Matt’s supervisor and we were friends for several years at our employer.  I do better keeping up with Matt through Facebook, Twitter and his blog.  However, I haven’t personally seen him now since he left our employer, unless you count, of course, a video he posted of himself.  Again, I haven’t done the best job of maintaining our friendship.

My third choice would be my friend, David Anderson.  David doesn’t have a blog, but we go on break together everyday.  At this point in my life, David probably knows me better than anyone outside of my family.  He knows all of the warts in my life.  He knows what kind of jerk I can be.  He puts up with all kinds of my “junk”.  At this juncture of my life, he would probably be the best candidate to give my eulogy.  Hopefully, there will be no need for his services anytime soon.

What is missing among this group?  Someone from my community or church.  Here is why that is so.  I don’t spend any time with anyone to develop that kind of relationship.  I don’t invest in relationships with anyone at my church or in my community.  Here is how it goes down with the folks in my area.  I see them for a brief time on Sunday.  I might run into someone at the store.  I might see them out running or walking on the bike trail.  I might see them at a ballgame or a school function.   But do I invest in anyone in what I now call my hometown so that they would know me well enough to give my eulogy.  No, not really.  It’s a failing of mine.  I go to work.  I come home.  I do my thing.  I do it all again. And again.  And again.  But except for what are really brief encounters, I don’t invest the time needed to develop the relationships needed for anyone to give my eulogy.

What about you?  Have you invested in someone enough that they would be able to give your eulogy?  I hope that you’ve done a better job than me.

UPDATE: Since this was first published, I still haven’t seen my friend Chris, though we have emailed some.  I saw Matt a few months later when we went to see Jon Acuff speak in Knoxville.  He has become a full-time pastor and rarely writes his blog anymore.  My friend David no longer works at the same employer that I do, but we  text, go to lunch occasionally and I ran into him while waiting to get gas the other night.

Authentic

My friend, Rob, asked this question in his blog a couple of days ago:

What characteristics do you think make someone awesome?

Here is the comment I made:

Authentic.  Awesome people are authentic.

I relate that to you to tell you that I am not awesome.  I have trouble with being authentic.

I have trouble letting people in to know the real me.  How many people do I really let in?  Less than a handful.

Maybe this is why I have trouble having true, authentic friendships.  I have mastered the art of authentically being friendly.  I have not mastered the art of being an authentic friend.  If you followed my life, you would be able to tell that by the people I truly hang out with in life.  How many you ask?  Outside my family, really none.  That doesn’t mean I don’t have a lot of friends that I like a lot.  I just have trouble with deep, authentic friendship.

Maybe this is why I have not enjoyed church the way I want to in well over a decade.  Not that I don’t enjoy the Lord or the Church.  I just haven’t enjoyed church on a big scope level.  I’ve enjoyed pockets of it from time to time, but just can’t seem to get over the hump to consistently enjoying it the way I want to enjoy it.  I’ve tried to talk myself into it for quite a while.  I just can’t seem to get there.  ( I could point to many reasons, but that would be for another post.

I could pretend.  I could fake it ’til I make it.  I could pretend to have great friendships.

I don’t.

I could pretend.  I could fake it ’til I make it.  I could pretend that everything is going great in church.

I can’t.

I will try to pursue great friendships.  I will pursue the enjoyment I seek in church.

I will just be authentic.

Do you have trouble being authentic?  What do you do to combat it?

140 Words (More or Less) On One Word 365

Today is Twitterfic Thursday, where I write 140 words, more or less, about a subject.  Today it is One Word 365.

I grew up in a little community in Morristown, TN called the Alpha community.

I went to Alpha School .

I played football for the Alpha Saints and Lions and basketball for the Alpha Bulldogs.

I went to Alpha Baptist Church.

I was part of the Alpha community.

I have decided to join the One Word 365 Community and focus on one word this year.

That word is, ironically, Community.

Community in my relationship with God through Christ.

Community in my family.

Community in my friendships.

Community in a new faith community as my family and I search for a new church.

One Word.  Community.

What one word would you choose for an entire year?

Who Would Give Your Eulogy?

Do you ever wonder who would be your pall bearers if you died?  I don’t have a huge number of people to do the job.  I imagine that some people from my church would take care of the job if called upon.  However, I also wonder another question.  Who would give my eulogy if I passed away?   I’m not talking about my pastor or a family member.  I’m talking about someone outside of these who know me well enough to stand up and give an accurate telling of what my life was like.  My choices, if left up to me, would be quite narrow.

I can think of possibly three people who could do the job.  One is my dearest friend from before marriage, Chris Triplett.  The problem with this is that I have really let our friendship lapse.  I know that Chris would do anything for me if I asked.  Last year he drove out and took a picture of a big chicken at a convenience store in Newport, Tennessee for me.  However, I haven’t seen him now in 14 or 15 years.  For a guy who I used to run around with for about 45 of 52 Saturday nights in a year, I haven’t done a good job of maintaining our friendship.

Another possibility would my friend, Matt Cannon.  Check out his Seeking Pastor blog. I used to be  Matt’s supervisor and we were friends for several years at our employer.  I do better keeping up with Matt through Facebook, Twitter and his blog.  However, I haven’t personally seen him now since he left our employer, unless you count, of course, a video he posted of himself.  Again, I haven’t done the best job of maintaining our friendship.

My third choice would be my friend, David Anderson.  David doesn’t have a blog, but we go on break together everyday.  At this point in my life, David probably knows me better than anyone outside of my family.  He knows all of the warts in my life.  He knows what kind of jerk I can be.  He puts up with all kinds of my “junk”.  At this juncture of my life, he would probably be the best candidate to give my eulogy.  Hopefully, there will be no need for his services anytime soon.

What is missing among this group?  Someone from my community or church.  Here is why that is so.  I don’t spend any time with anyone to develop that kind of relationship.  I don’t invest in relationships with anyone at my church or in my community.  Here is how it goes down with the folks in my area.  I see them for a brief time on Sunday.  I might run into someone at the store.  I might see them out running or walking on the bike trail.  I might see them at a ballgame or a school function.   But do I invest in anyone in what I now call my hometown so that they would know me well enough to give my eulogy.  No, not really.  It’s a failing of mine.  I go to work.  I come home.  I do my thing.  I do it all again. And again.  And again.  But except for what are really brief encounters, I don’t invest the time needed to develop the relationships needed for anyone to give my eulogy.

What about you?  Have you invested in someone enough that they would be able to give your eulogy?  I hope that you’ve done a better job than me.