Today is my 20th wedding anniversary. If you would like to know what we looked like that day, see the picture below.
These 20 years have been the greatest of my life. It’s incredible that before long, I will have been married to Jan longer than I haven’t been, but that will be another post in the future.
Often when I mention to people that we have been married for 20 years, I get comments about it being rare in this day and age. People will ask me what our secret is or how we’ve done it. So, for the first time, I’m going to let everyone know what our secret to staying married this long is.
We don’t have any other option. Not being married to each other is not a possibility.
I don’t say that to demean any circumstances in anyone else’s life. We simply entered into our marriage by assuming that it was forever and there is no out-clause. We believe God meant for marriage to be permanent. The only thing that will separate us is death.
That doesn’t mean we sing kumbayah together every night. We have had struggles. We don’t always agree. We get frustrated with each other from time to time.
Guess what? Ultimately that stuff doesn’t matter. Something that happened 20 years ago doesn’t have a lot of relevance to today 20 years later.
Here’s what matters. I’m committed to Jan. She’s committed to me. We love God. We love each other. Christ is our Savior. We have two children we are crazy about. In twenty years, we will still be together (Lord willing) and enjoying our grandchildren.
How long have you been married? What is the “secret” to your marital success?
It should come as no surprise that I did not go see Magic Mike this week. Based on my totally, unscientific method of asking women who went to see it, there were few men in the theater.
The question that arises about Magic Mike is not whether people should have the freedom to go see this movie. I believe that many things that I find immoral should be available for people to choose.
The question is whether anyone should go see Magic Mike?
I jokingly told some people this week that any woman who went to see this movie should have no problem letting their husband or boyfriend go to a strip club, look at Playboy or watch porn. Some agreed. Some disagreed. Some were incredulous, wondering why it was such a big deal. Some said it was just entertainment on both sides.
I don’t suggest that people will automatically value their significant other more highly if they don’t watch porn or don’t see Magic Mike. However, I do suggest that it is a good place to start. I believe that viewing these type of things devalue our relationships. I believe that it creates an image in our minds that competes with our spouses. I think we do that enough on our own. We don’t need to help it by going to see movies like Magic Mike or engage in any similar activity.
No one in my family is going to see Magic Mike. I won’t be going to a strip club.
Have you seen Magic Mike? Do you agree or disagree with my assessment?
I recently changed the tagline of my blog to Making Much Of What Matters Most.
The obvious question to that is what exactly matters the most to me?
I am in the process of putting ink to the answers to this question. In fact, one of the things I am doing on the day after Easter is spending time in prayer taking the ideas I have for this to the Lord. I want these things to honor Him.
Obviously, if you have read Deuceology long, you know that I would list Christ as number one. At least, I hope that is what you would guess.
Next would be Me. I know that runs counter to what most people thing, but look at this way. If I’m not taking care of myself, I can’t take care of much of anything else.
Jan, my wife, would be next.
My kids, Lauren and Andrew, would follow Jan.
My job and career slides in at number four.
My church comes in next.
After this, I am still working on what to take to Him.
Ministry? This one would be rather big, as blogging would be part of it.
Time and Order?
All of these are possibilities. There may be more or less. I’m still working on it. And it may change as I continue to grow in life.
What would your list of most important things look like?
I made my marriage better in a two-hour time period this past weekend. Here is how I did it.
My kids were gone this past weekend to a youth conference. One of the things I had planned was to watch the last Tennessee basketball game at 4 pm on Saturday.
While running some errands, Jan called me and asked if we could take advantage of being alone and go out on a date that evening.
Imagine the dilemma I faced as I wrestled in my mind with these two options: watch the ballgame I had been planning on watching for well over a week or going out on a rare date with my wife. There was only one choice.
I said that we would go out.
There is it is. That’s how I improved my marriage in two hours. I gave up what I wanted to do for what Jan wanted to do.
Guess what time we arrived at the restaurant? 4 p.m.
Guess what time the ballgame came on? 4 p.m.
Guess what happened when we arrived at the restaurant? They sat us with the ballgame I wanted to watch smack dab in front of me. She didn’t mind at all because I had already given up watching the game for her.
I got to spend time with my wife. Win.
I got to watch the ballgame. Win.
We found a nice new restaurant. Win.
We had fun. Win.
Lots of wins. A great marriage made even better.
There you have it. Want to improve your marriage? Give up something you want for the benefit of the other.
What was the other way I improved my marriage? I left my phone in the truck too. No checking Twitter or Facebook. No checking my blog. No Words With Friends. Nothing to distract me from spending a great time with my wife.
What do you do to improve your marriage or relationship with your significant other?
It’s Twitterfic Thursday, where I write about a subject in 140 words, more or less.
Last week I wrote about how Community is my One Word 365 word for this year.
This week I want to relate how tradition plays a part in community.
Tradition helps tie people together in community. Shared traditions help pull us and hold us together.
It doesn’t matter whether it’s family, local community or faith communities.
Traditions are needful and necessary and, in many instances, fun.
However, we cannot be afraid to be flexible with them or willing to change them.
In a few years, others will be joining our family through marriage.
We are searching for a church and others will join that church after us.
We must be willing to change tradition as our communities change.
Tradition is made for us. We are not made for tradition.
What about you? Are you willing to change traditions? Or do you want them to always remain the same?
It’s Twitterific Thursday and it’s Thanksgiving. You probably know the drill by now. I write a post in 140 words, more or less.
Today is Thanksgiving. I’m not sure what I should write about today.
Should I write about all of the things that I am thankful for today? Christ, Salvation, Marriage, Children, Family, Health, Job and more?
Should it be that I will enter His gates with thanksgiving in my heart?
Should it be about my prayer life and how I should not be anxious for anything, but by prayer and supplication and thanksgiving let my requests be made known to God?
What is the answer to what my blog post should be about today?
The answer is yes. Yes to all of these.
I am thankful for all of this and more. I need to strive to come to God with thanksgiving in my heart. I need to lay down any anxiety and trust Him through prayer.
How about you? What does Thanksgiving mean to you today?
The title has nothing to do with the Stones song, 19th Nervous Breakdown. No, today is my 19th wedding anniversary. I have been married to Jan for 19 years. I can hardly believe it. In honor of this wonderful day, I want to extol the virtues of the most wonderful woman who God could have ever given me to be my Bride (and if you’ve been reading Jon Acuff, you know how funny the word Bride is.)
Jan was patient with me when we were first married and her salary was about twice what mine was.
Jan has been incredibly kinder to me than I ever deserved.
Jan has never displayed jealousy, other than to be jealous to guard our marriage.
Jan has never bragged, except to say how wonderful our married life is.
Jan has never been arrogant toward me one time in 19 years.
Jan has never acted unbecomingly in any way.
Jan has never sought her own. She has probably given up more than anyone can imagine.
Jan is even keeled and is never provoked.
Jan has never held a grudge and does not take into account any wrongs she has suffered.
Jan does not rejoice in unrighteousness. She rejoices in truth.
Jan bears all things.
Jan believes all things.
Jan hopes all things.
Jan endures all things.
Jan has never failed.
In other words, humanly speaking, Jan has been love for me for nineteen years now. I’m looking forward to the next nineteen and more.