Home > Christianity, Faith > Just Another Post About Sex And The Church And Stuff

Just Another Post About Sex And The Church And Stuff

There are tons of articles and blog posts out there about sex.  It isn’t hard to find posts about the Church.  Posts about sex and the Church can be found every day.

I saw one recently and skimmed through it.  Most of the time that’s all I do.  I haven’t really found many of them to be helpful.  Why?  I”m not really sure what I’m supposed to learn from them.

Let’s face it.  I’m a guy.  I’ve been thinking about sex since….well, since I was in the sixth grade.  I’m not sure what it was before that and I sure didn’t think about girls before that.  I remember the first time I really began to consider the opposite sex.  It was November, 1979.  I was riding on a bus to Florida for a football trip.  If you pressed me hard, I could probably even tell you the little girl’s name that first caught my fancy.

I can testify to having all the wrong thoughts about sex between then and now.  I won’t even try to justify it.  I simply did.  There were times  that it was the driving force or goal of my life.  Let’s face it, that’s what sinful boys think about.

I’ve been married now for nearly twenty-one years.  I have two children that are the product of the sexual nature that relationship.

Most of my time in the Church, the only mention of sex had been that it is bad outside of marriage.  I’ve always understood and believed that, even when I wasn’t necessarily inclined to adhering to this.  Unfortunately, the Church has rarely, in my circles, addressed healthy, Godly, sex.  It’s almost been, “You’re married, good, here’s a pat on the rear, go to it.”

I think the articles and posts are a reaction to this time of teaching or , better yet, non-teaching.  However, I just haven’t found them helpful to me.

Here’s why.

The items I’ve read have focused on how we are sexual beings.  I have read about how people need to be sexually compatible in their relationships and marriages.  Somehow, I think they miss the point.  Rather than focus on our sexuality and sexual compatibility, I think we need to focus on something else,

We need to focus on the fact that we are spiritual beings and spiritual compatibility with our significant others.

Sure, sex is AN important part of our lives.  It just isn’t THE most important  part of our lives.

What do you think?  How important is sex and our sexuality in the Church?

  1. August 20, 2013 at 4:59 am

    When I was in Guatemala earlier this month, I wrote down two questions that apply to your discussion today:

    1) Are we physical beings that have a spiritual dimension?

    2) Or are we spiritual beings that have a physical dimension?

    Replace physical with sexual, and these questions fit right in with your post.

    Obviously, I believe of of the questions is correct, but I don’t think we often think this way.

    • August 20, 2013 at 5:14 am

      Jon, you’re right. I’ve noticed from observing a handful of teens that those who have a good relationship with The Lord and with their parents don’t seem to feel the sexual pressure that others do. I think that extends to adults as well.

  2. robshep
    August 20, 2013 at 5:42 am

    I’ve never counseled a married couple that had a great marriage but a terrible sex life. I’ve also never counseled a couple that had a great sex life but a terrible marriage. The key though is not sex but intimacy. When one area of a couple’s life is messed up it tends to affect intimacy. When finances are whack it affects the intimacy. When one or both are selfish it affects the intimacy. When we love like God loves the church and the way the church loves God the result is great intimacy.

  3. August 20, 2013 at 9:02 am

    A very true article. Sex, like most topics in the church have the loudest positions polarized either compromising and apostate or religious and scornful. Our church advocates holiness. We just had a wedding this weekend where the couple abstained particularly the bride has been waiting for over 10 years. But we have created an entire faith based culture in our church community because you don’t just quit cold turkey. We don’t listen to secular music, we screen what we watch, we don’t just hang out with anyone. We do the spiritual work of breaking soul ties and forgiving the hurt of past relationships. We fast. We really want God’s plan in a mate. We’re not perfect but we press on toward the mark and we don’t lower the standard (Phil 3). As Christians sexuality is an area where we have to war. There are naked people on magazines and billboards. So much entertainment has sexual content. You cant’ scorn those who struggle and many have been prematurely introduced to sex at too young an age unwillingly. We just have to lift a standard and have the Holy Spirit show people the fruit of holiness and the joy when a couple has the true embodiment of intimacy.

    • August 21, 2013 at 5:38 am

      Sounds like you guys have quite a community

      • August 21, 2013 at 10:06 am

        Yeah, we are very small and we have to work very hard on relationships. Sometimes we have repentance to each other during service. It’s not easy when you want to have the final word and be right. But the fruit is awesome and by the fruit of love they’ll know we are his.

  4. August 20, 2013 at 9:08 am

    Are we really allowed to talk about this, especially sex in the church? Oops I mean, sex and the church. I thought it was taboo.

    • August 21, 2013 at 5:39 am

      Well, I’m not sure we’re allowed, but we should be

  5. August 20, 2013 at 10:04 am

    I agree, we are physical/spiritual beings and what we do physically affects the spiritual side. I think there ought to be times when the church gives instructions and allows for discussion of sex. However, we have to be careful that we don’t over do it and put too much emphasis on it. Our culture has gone too far and puts way too much emphasis on it and maybe that is why it is such a broken area for many in our churches.

    • August 21, 2013 at 5:40 am

      We definitely need to be balanced and Biblical in our approach

  6. August 20, 2013 at 10:23 am

    We learn, for the most part, to feel uncomfortable talking about sex in the church at a young age and this lesson impacts us pretty much the rest of our lives. It’s a shame, really.

    • August 21, 2013 at 5:41 am

      It is a shame. We ought to feel safe to talk about anything in the Church.

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